... and the Great Chaos That Comes with It!
Almost two months ago now, (my goodness how time flies!) our second baby and first boy was born. His birthday was just shy of two weeks of his sister’s second birthday, so lots of things happening at once around here! Adjusting to having a tiny newborn and a just turned 2-year-old along with all of her big feelings has been a challenge, but fun. We always wanted kids pretty close in age that way they could grow up together and hopefully be good friends. It’s been great to see my daughter step up and be a loving and gentle big sister to her baby brother who she loves, (most of the time!)
As for me, I’ve been learning from the day my first was born, and I continue to do so after the birth of my son, but in different ways. I’m not as stressed out so much about the little things, and I’ve learned to just go with it, even if it’s a bit crazy and makes me feel like I’m losing my sanity some days! For example, as long as the clothes are clean and everyone’s happy,they don’t always have to match, right? Also sleeping arrangements, if everyone’s sleeping through the night, including the newborn it doesn’t really matter that all of the said sleep happens in mama’s bed because everyone’s getting sleep which is a win! I was so worried about the silly little things when my first was born that I don’t even think about now. Instead, I worry about whether my toddler is adjusting to baby brother, or if she’s getting enough mama time that way, she doesn’t feel left out with the baby needing as much attention as he does at this stage. To try and appease my guilt, I make an effort to get a few times a day where it’s just her and I. Eating breakfast, finding a snack, even the bathroom can be fun little times where it’s just the both of us to bond and or have a funny conversation where all of my attention is focused on her. There are some days where I wish it was easier, and days where I wish I wasn’t being touched by someone’s tiny hand or other random limb at all hours of the day, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Parenting for the first and then second time comes with compromises, and it’s up to you to figure out what’s most important in the now. If the baby won’t sleep without you forcing you to become nap-trapped, just accept the fact that the house stuff isn’t going to get done during naptime. Instead, go to the bathroom first, grab a good book or TV show, and settle in for those naptimes snuggles with one or more littles. The cleaning can come later. Involve the toddler, wear the baby, and get to work! It might take longer, but eventually it’ll get done, and that’s what I’ve had to realize. As long as it gets done, it doesn’t matter how it gets done or how long it takes. I’ve also learned to unwind during naps and in that time after the littles have gone down for the night. Instead of doing things for everyone else like we’re used to doing, take time to think about mama too, because we’re just as important. Figure out what’s important to you. Playing a game, having a snack or a meal alone, reading a book. Whatever makes you happy and helps you unwind, do it. To be the best for our babies, we have to also do what’s best for us. If it’s getting that extra sleep or having that alone time without hearing the constant cries of Mama mama mama all day long, go for it! Everything else can wait. That’s one of the biggest things I’ve learned. Everything! Else! Can! wait! Also, trust your instincts as a mama because those are just as important! Opinions from others shouldn’t matter if they don’t align with what you’re feeling. For example, so many people told me with my first not to sleep with her because she’ll never be independent, and she’ll never do anything alone. Today, she’s a month past turning 2, and she’s one of the most sassy, strong-willed, trying to be independent toddlers I know, and she’s just fine even though she does sleep with mama. If it works for everyone, do what’s best and yes, (easiest) for your family. For this reason, our son also sleeps with mama and sleeps mostly the entire night as a result and I love the snuggles and the rest as well!
To finish this out, I guess what I’m trying to say is this. Don’t stress about the little less important things. In the grand scheme of the tiny details of everything else, they don’t really matter at the end of the day. Do what’s best for you and your family! Take that time for yourself and find that time to unwind however that may be. Listen to your mama instincts! If something feels right to you and it works for you and your babies, don’t let anyone tell you different. Each baby and family are different, so you just keep doing what works for you! Even though we go through most days feeling like we’re losing our minds and wanting to tug our hair out by lunch time some days, just know you’re doing great out there, wherever you are! Embrace the chaos, messes, snuggles from littles and all of that for as long as it lasts!
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